Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
