All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
