Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
