I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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