Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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