I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
