yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize