the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
