She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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