I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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