i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
