Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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