does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
