I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
