I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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