I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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