i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
