I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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