I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
