its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
