wakey wakey hands off snakey
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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