Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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