a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
