question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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