he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
