Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
