he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
