I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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