Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
