3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
