They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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