Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
