Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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