Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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