First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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