We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
