Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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