Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
