YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is classic penis vs brain.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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