the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
