Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
