My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
