Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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