shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize