just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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