My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
