Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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