He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
