um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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