i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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