I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.