this beer tastes like vomit already
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.