We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want her autograph on my taint
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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