i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
