do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
