Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
