Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
