i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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