I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
