I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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