I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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