getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
