I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
