wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
