the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The uberlube is also flammable
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
