Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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