I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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