What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i came on her dog
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize