people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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