I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i need some magic done to my vagina
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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