It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
