All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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